Taking on New Adventures

I’ve debated actually writing anything about this. But my reasons for staying and now leaving the Krewe of Nyx are more characters than a tweet or FB post allow. I wrote this for my own purposes and am sharing in hopes of advancing the conversations that we have to have on racisom.

In late 2014, I got the email inviting me to be a member of Krewe of Nyx, and I immediately sent in my money and joined. I was fulfilling a dream I had when I was a kid, when I’d come to visit my family on the North Shore after Mardi Gras and my cousins would play “float riders” and throw beads at me and my sister from the loft in their condo. I was hooked. Fast forward to adulthood and every time I came into town and attended a parade, I’d think about how I wanted to be involved if I ever lived in New Orleans.

This week, I resigned, just a few months before what would be my 6th and final ride as well as the krewe’s 10th anniversary. I had already decided I’d had enough but wanted to do this “final” ride with my friends, especially since one of them was a charter member.

There was really only one reason to stay: the women I interacted with at our float meetings, during the pre-parade events and during the ride. But there were way more reasons to leave. And while I know it’s not completely articulated right, I wanted to share the various reasons that added up to one conclusion: resign and do it now.

1–The leadership of the krewe never reflected the members. I’ve known this since the first meeting I attended when the board was introduced and walked onto the stage. I’ve known it from what fellow members told me over the years of who is who and what their relationship is to the captain. I wasn’t a fan, but it didn’t directly affect me, especially since the only activities I participated in were float related, outside of the one full meeting that announced the parade theme and float themes.

2–It became clear over the years that the captain didn’t care about anyone but herself. Again, I knew this but it became more obvious through the years when people offered ideas to change some of the processes and she wouldn’t even entertain the ideas presented. I even offered to help with the PR for the krewe but never got a response. So I figured she just had her few people she relied on for advice and help and that was it. I didn’t realize how insulted and small her circle was until recently. Shame on me for not paying more attention to that.

3–The money she was skimming off the top is not a secret. We all knew it. And while it wasn’t right and many of us had an issue with it, it didn’t directly affect me so I chose to overlook it. Plus, in the grand scheme of things, I knew we were not paying as much as many of the other krewes. So I just chalked it up as one of those things that I couldn’t change.

4–She was the most condescending person in our meetings. Over time, I got more annoyed at this and felt like she was disrespecting people in our group meetings and via the online members-only forum. However, again, since nothing was ever directed at me personally, I chose to overlook it.

5–The all lives matter post on the krewe’s feed and her personal one was really the beginning of the end for me. And if I’m being honest, it really wasn’t the post, but the way things were handled afterwards. I was appalled when I saw the post on the Krewe of Nyx social channels, but when I saw the email with the video apology to the members, I thought maybe she’d realized how insensitive and just out of touch it was. But the video apology to the members missed the mark. Completely. Followed up by her poorly written public apology, and it was clear it was time for a change.

6–The responses to the float lieutenants who asked her to step down showed her true colors. If she really was “all about the sisterhood she created”, she would resign and stay on with the conditions given. I won’t get into it here but I found her response, via an attorney, no less, to be rude, condescending {see above bullet} and just unnecessary.

7–I’ve updated this to include the details from the Zoom meeting with float lieutenants and her discussion over persons of color on the board. I won’t get into it. You can Google it if you want to know more, but I never realized just how out of touch and how racist this woman really was!

Quite frankly, I’ve overlooked almost all of it because I enjoyed the camaraderie with my old friends and the new ones I made both on our float and in the meetings and parties before the parade. And until this past week, when she outright refused to engage with anyone in the krewe over our concerns of her post and weak apology, I was ok staying in since I rarely dealt with her and the board.

But this time was different. I emailed her a long email with my feelings that included an offering to help with the PR for the krewe. I also made a plea for the board to be diversified to reflect the membership of the krewe. No response. Honestly, I didn’t expect one. But I was hoping that she’d at least send a mass email or something via the forum to start a conversation and get feedback from the members. Really, anything to show she was trying would’ve given me at least pause before resigning.

After a week of nothing, I made my decision to resign. However, I had not emailed or announced it publicly. I hadn’t even told my friends at this point. Then I saw the demands from the float lieutenants and her response via an attorney. That was it. I was out. I was crafting my resignation email but not planning to send it immediately. Then the details on the Zoom meeting were released and I literally hit the drafts in my email and hit “send” immediately. That was not ok. And I was done.

I know I have a lot of work to do personally. I’ve been fortunate to have experiences that have shaped who I am today and given me valuable learning lessons in my 45 years. But there’s so much more to do. And a lot of what I need to do includes listening and learning.

I’ve lived in quite a few cities and New Orleans is, by far, the most diverse and inclusive. I have thoroughly enjoyed getting to know women in our krewe from all walks of life. They are representative of the culture and creativity that makes this city what it is. It’s a crying shame that the divisiveness of one woman has taken something so fun, so representative of this city and so inclusive and turned it into a bad word.

I look forward to finding another group to get involved in so that I can expand my base of friends and acquaintances.

I look forward to the conversations on race that are likely to get tough and uncomfortable, but will be insightful and educational.

Finally, I look forward to continually expanding my base of awesome people.

I truly believe that the diversity in our lives is what makes us better and I will continue to do all I can to expand my views through the amazing people in this city through support .