Taking on New Adventures

I’ve been pretty open about my journey through 3 bouts of melanoma and over 100 biopsies. One thing about this life is that it never gets easier, it always hurts and it doesn’t matter how confident I am going into a surgery, it’s still really scary.

I haven’t had a big biopsy (stitches and all) since a few days before Christmas. That has healed and the pathology report came back “abnormal”. That means that the mole could’ve developed into something, or just stayed funky. Whatever. It’s fine that I had it removed. One less thing to worry about.

The latest version of “Kay getting cut on” occurred Tuesday. This one was on my upper arm, near my shoulder and near one of my scars that previously contained melanoma. So to say it’s a tad scary is an understatement and to say it hurts also falls into that “understatement” category as well. That area is not super fatty and the stitches are tight. So the pain is there. And just constant.

I feel like it’s Groundhog Day. Every time this occurs, I get a tad stressed, worried and spend at least a week, if not longer, in some type of pain. I’ve learned to live with it and pretty much bury my feelings so that I don’t come across as “woe is me”. But sometimes it does get to me. And sometimes I just need a break.

I’m tired. Tired of getting cut on. Tired of this cycle of dealing with if a mole (I have a lot) is normal or cancerous. Tired of worrying if I have enough sunscreen on when I go outside. Tired of having to subject Chuck to being my home-nurse and changing my bandage because it makes me queasy. Tired of spending a ton of cash on every single doctor’s appointment. Tired of dealing.

But I am also thankful. Thankful for a supportive husband who is willing to change my bandages. Thankful for a doctor who takes extra care in the surgical process to limit the amount of scarring. Thankful that I have the money to spend on these procedures. And thankful every time a pathology report comes back negative. And this week, especially thankful for pain medication!

So here we go again. Another couple of weeks to wait and see what this report says, get the stitches out and move on to the rest of my summer.