Taking on New Adventures

Four years ago today was my last day at CNN, after a 14 year career that started at a hair above entry level. And, effectively, four years ago today was my last day of a 20+ year career in the news business that started in local radio at the age of 17 reading the news items from our small town in Mississippi. I often get asked the question, “Do you miss it?” So in trying to wrap my head around an “easy” and “simple” answer, I thought I’d write down my reasons for my middle of the road response.

Yes, absolutely:

I miss the teamwork. In the TV news business, no one position can get it done completely. You have to rely on others who have expertise in skills that you don’t in order to get your report, show, etc to air. The producer cannot get a show on without the director, graphics person, audio tech and anchor, to name a few. The same thing goes with the reporter. Even in a “one-man-band” shop, there are still others who contribute to the success and finalization of a story. Teamwork is vital to a news person’s career and will kill your career if it’s not there.

I miss being a part of something big. Every day, and often every hour, there were stories that we told that were important to our country, and our world. Often, the stories were bad and downright depressing. But we got those facts out to the masses and that felt good to be a small part of that. It was even better when we could report something good.

I miss having my voice heard. The last 5 years of my career, I was called upon for input on how we covered stories, everything from which guests would add value to the news that Osama bin Laden had been killed to what celebrity would be best to add to the CNN Heroes roster, my opinion was valued, respected and wanted. I took it for granted, and just chalked it up as my job. But I miss that. A lot.

I miss being proud of my job. Say what you will about the news business, but I was always proud to say where I worked and what I did. It was a cool job, it was a hard job and it was an important job. I didn’t have any problem standing up for my workplace and what my colleagues and I did. I took pride in my work, the business I was in and especially where I worked.

The friendships I made last to this day. Thanks to my career, I met my husband, my best friends and countless other people who have influenced my life. There’s something to be said for friendships formed when things are crazy and stressful.

The travel I did was something that can never be replicated. So many times, I was able to hop on a plane and go to a portion of the US that I would never visit otherwise. And I’m a better person because of those experiences.

I also miss my status on Delta. There. I said it. I traveled enough where I was Gold and the fact I’m nothing now just irks me.

No, not even close to missing it:

I don’t miss the disregard of personal time, especially for those of us who were single with no kids. While we all understood when we got into the business that news didn’t stop because you had a dinner to attend, it seemed as if certain people were allowed to carry on with their personal plans more than others. At one point, I was told by a manager that I had to travel for a story because I didn’t have a husband, child or pet and anything else I had on my schedule could be easily cancelled. They failed to realize that whatever I had on my schedule was important to me and those involved in whatever was on my calendar. That happened often and is an unfortunate part of the business.

The hours were often brutal. Long hours on conference calls deciding the best course of coverage, hours spent traveling to/from the airport and on a plane, hours waiting for calls back on stories you were chasing, it didn’t matter. News didn’t take a break and I worked more than I lived. I missed birthday parties, dinners, family holidays and other events that were important because something big worldwide was going on at a time inconvenient for most everyone else. Having regular holidays off still baffles and amazes me. And I take full advantage of those days. They weren’t guaranteed before. 

The hours you put in while in the field were worse. From 3am wake-up calls to 1am final interviews, you never know how many hours you’ll be at a live shot and what the conditions are. People in the comfort of an office rarely care if it’s super hot, super cold, super rainy or if you are hanging by a thread due to lack of sleep. They just want that guest to be on air at a certain time. And if you only got 3 hours of sleep because budget cuts meant there was only one of your position on a story rather than the 3 that were planned? It’s what you signed up for. Get over it. The show goes on, literally, and you have a job to do.

The coverage of death and destruction. It doesn’t matter how many stories you covered or how long you’ve been in the business, you never get used to hearing the details of someone’s death or seeing the devastation a natural (or not so natural) disaster causes to a family, a community or a region. I don’t care who you are, you absolutely never get used to or get over the stories about children who were killed, especially at school. Those stories cut me to the core. After years of seeing photos and video that were not fit for air, reading court and police reports of some mass murder and deciding what we should report because the details were too gory to pass along verbatim, hearing lengthy details of a crime from a victim in court or listening to eyewitnesses outside the scene of a mass shooting, I couldn’t do it any more.

The coverage of stupid celebrity crap. Sorry, I didn’t get into the business to cover whether someone who can sing or act or got lucky with a reality show about their boring life got a DUI, entered rehab, was pregnant or divorced. Had I wanted to do that, I would’ve gone full-fledged into entertainment news. While some celebrity news was legit for various reasons, I did not need to call for a guest to talk about the latest reality-“star” and their actions of stupidity.

My dream job never happened. I got into the business to be a sideline reporter for college football. While that obviously never happened, I still dreamed of the day where I worked full time in sports covering the events and athletes that I found so fascinating. That never came to fruition, although I was lucky enough to cover some big sports events. However, I still hold out a small glimmer of hope that someone will call with a fascinating job in the sports world and I’ll jump on it in a heartbeat. It’s unlikely but dreams are good and I’ll hold on to that one.

My conclusion: 

I’m so glad I got into the business. I was at the forefront of some of the biggest events in our history. I met world leaders, celebrities, newsmakers, amazing spokespeople and more in my time in the business. I had fun, I cried, I lost a few hairs and grew too many gray ones, I gained weight, I didn’t sleep, I broke out, I had bags under my eyes, I got sick, I rallied, and more. I would not take back one second of it. And I miss it. But yet, I don’t. I’m glad I left when I did. I was ready. But I still long for the good parts of it and hope that someday, I’ll have a job where I feel the way I did when I was called on for my vision, respected for my contributions, however large or small they were, and played out for the world to see.

Working in the CNN control room in 2000.